I Was Off

I found myself praying something off. Way off, the more I think about it. Pastor fail…I know better. Throughout much of this road—the surgery, the scans, the complications, the quick return of the cancer, the fevers, the dark moments—I’ve found myself lamenting that my girl can’t catch a break. It certainly feels that way.

This Friday, Nicole has an important scan to see if chemo is working. Then a few days later we’ll meet with the doctor to go over the results. We’re hopeful! But I’ve found myself praying, “Father, can she just get a win? Girl has been thoroughly beaten up with bad news. A win would be nice.”

As I hyper-focused on my wife’s health, I failed to remember the real battle has been won. This valley is but a shadow. Because of Jesus, this girl can’t lose. It can hurt and it does. We can feel deep discouragement and dark moments but we mustn’t forget there is no losing. She’s been handed the win that makes every loss a shadow.

It’s why this week as we head toward the scan, Nicole and I are holding onto Psalm 112:7, “They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the LORD.”

Whether the scans show good news or bad, we won’t live this week in fear. We’ve already been handed the win that turns any potential bad news into a shadow of what it could’ve been.